Helpmate

I was challenged by something I read the other day (once again, from "Prescription for the Doctor's Wife"):

"Do you see yourself as your husband's helpmate, as Scripture teaches? Or do you see it the opposite? Do you think of him as your helpmate when he gets home to help you with the dishes, the kids, the projects around the home? Are there some thoughts and actions you need to change?"

Yikes. Yes... there are some thoughts and actions I need to change! So often, McSweety comes home and I think I "deserve" a break. Ok... he's the one who works a ton, in a stressful job, and he comes home and I think he should serve me?! Oy.

This last month, we faced one of the toughest rotations yet. McSweety was working in the ICU and logged some crazy hours... 70, 80+ hours a week. On top of that, he is such a kind man that he switched a shift with another intern and, therefore, ended up not having a day off for 2 weeks. Yuck. It was tough. I felt like he came home only to walk back out the door hours later. It's a tough thing to not grumble when he informs me that he has to go back to work early the next morning and to not gripe and moan about it. This isn't his choice! I know my husband. I know he'd much rather be home, hanging with me, playing with his boys, sleeping, sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee. But he works. He busts his behind for us. He is following his dream and pursuing an amazing calling. And I have the joy of supporting him in this! Truly! How blessed am I? Yes - this is hard and crazy, but I am so blessed. I get to do what my heart desires - be a wife and mother! And I get to be the woman that the love of my life comes home to... and yet, there are times he walks through those doors and I think he owes me something! Eww. Selfish. I'm the one who wants to stay home with our boys - so what's with me thinking he should clean up the kitchen, entertain the little dudes, take out the trash, cook a gourmet meal... And here's the thing: he doesn't grumble at me when I ask. He may be thinking "seriously, woman. I just worked 12 hours straight, on my feet, dealing with a hoard of different people, and you want me to do what?" But he doesn't say it. He may request a moment to get settled before I thrust a child into his arms, but then he takes the child without complaint. Serious.

So... I am challenged. Taking care of this house is my thing. Making dinner is my thing. Finding ways to set up our days to grow, challenge, entertain, encourage our boys is my thing (no, it's not all on me to raise them, but the practical, day to day, how to make things work stuff, it is on me). And yet, so often I try to make it his thing when he has just a moment to spare.

I want him to come home and be at peace. I want an organized (not sparkling clean... I have to have the right expectations here) home. I want a "calm" home. I want my husband to feel like he can breathe out when he arrives. I want to have a home that is a salve to his heart. That brings quiet and healing. And this can be! But it means I don't shove expectations at him when he walks through the door.

I can welcome him - meeting him at the door! - with a kiss, a hug, with laughter and giggles from two boys who are so excited to see daddy. And I can let him settle and be calm without expectations. I can let him soak in his family, his boys. I want this for him.

It's so very against the world. This sounds crazy to some. Too domestic. And I would have agreed at a point in my life... "it's not the woman's roll!" But it is. I have desired this and my husband has allowed this to be true in my life. And I have a choice - be self centered or be selfless.

"A woman has a tremendous influence on those in her home. She has a powerful and crucial role. Her choices change lives...either positively or negatively. 'By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures' (Proverbs 24:3-4)."

And so I pray... "God, thank you for the ability to be a wife and a mother! What a joy. Please Lord, help me have perspective and a selfless heart - which is not of me, but of You! Help my desire be to serve and honor my husband, to be his helpmate, to put his needs before mine, to have a home that is built upon Your wisdom and truth!"

I am so grateful for this challenge - to be able to see my "oops" and to give it to the Lord. May McSweety feel peace and love in this home and may it be built on the wisdom of God.