We go MARCH-ing on, on… hurrah! hurrah!

How is it the end of March?! So crazy. And super crazy that McSweety now has just over 2 rotations left and then we're done with intern year. Can I get an "AMEN"?

Speaking of crazy, that's pretty much what life has been. In the last month or so, we… got a dog, had to return the dog, committed to training for the Nashville Rock n' Roll half marathon, went to Gatlinburg for a week, got a new dog, enjoyed a week at home with Daddy, had visitors, went to the zoo, did an Easter Egg hunt and enjoyed some serious sun. Whew. 

Now for a few details: the dog. We adopted a mix breed puppy and after a few days, it was pretty obvious that he was not a healthy pup. He was basically pulling himself around by his front paws because his back legs stopped working. Heart-breaking. Even more heart-breaking: telling J-man we had to give the dog back. Fortunately we had adopted him from a Christian agency and they happily took him back and are working to get him healthy (at least that's what they told us and that's what we're choosing to believe for forever). And so… you can't take away a three year olds new puppy and just be done with it. Therefore, please welcome our newest boy (yep, I was suckered into a boy… when am I going to get some girl power in this house?!) Are you ready for his name… courtesy of J:

Captain Finn Flynn Wally Gurgleguts Phelps - aka - Finn

He's a sweet boy. Golden Retriever. 12 weeks. 

He will be my bodyguard and sweet company on those long nights alone.

And hooray for vacation!!! We were super blessed with two weeks of freedom! We took advantage of it by spending 6 days in Gatlinburg, TN. Let me tell you - super fun and super odd. It's like a redneck version of Las Vegas. Seriously. I don't even know how to explain it, but you you love mini golf on every block, random "believe if or not" type museums, "As seen on TV superstores" and a wealth of other random, corny tourist attractions, then it is the place for you. We did have so much fun and the Smoky Mountains are quite lovely (nope, they are not mountains like we know and love, but they were beautiful all the same). We enjoyed a couple hikes and had slow, unplanned days. Awesome. Oh - and the Gatlinburg Aquarium is super awesome. No lie. 

McSweety & J-man

Me and the Duke… who I carried up the trail in the carrier. Oh. So. Heavy.

My boys… oops. J has his eyes closed. Aren't those handsome eyelids?

Daddy and his little dudes.

One of J-man's newest obsessions is pirates. He was super excited when we saw this pirate flag at the aquarium. No, he was not just carrying around a pirate sword. The exhibit provided it for the photo op. It was too funny because he was so serious when we were taking this picture - as if this pirate captain takes his job very seriously.

A just a great shot of McSweety…oh, I mean Duke. Gosh, it's hard to tell them apart. For real. Have you ever seen such a little daddy clone?!

The Duke in the sandbox (during his time off, McSweety built the boys and rocking' sandbox with a serious fort over it. So cool!) You may be wondering what this face is all about. It means, "but MOOOOM! I want more water to play with and dump all over myself!"

And my J-man at the Easter Egg hunt. Umm…check out those cool kicks. That was our splurge at the Pigeon Forge (yes, there's a town in Tennessee called Pigeon Forge) outlet stores. And J was so excited about his bucket full of eggs. What a handsome little man.

And now for some nitty-gritty… let's see. Intern year? I'm over it. I mean, it's been fine in a lot of ways. My hubby is truly thriving at Vanderbilt. He loves it. I am so thankful! I can tell he's doing so well and really feeling like Vanderbilt is a great place for him (Ok, I'm also hoping he doesn't get too comfortable…not sure I'm ready to commit to Nashville for the rest of my life). The boys are good. I often fret about James and school decisions, but that's for another day. And my constant prayer for both of them is that sweet friends come into their lives. We have some little buddies that we are super grateful for, but just praying for those sweet, easy friendships (like the ones we miss).

And me… I always seem to give the run-down of how my boys are doing, as if that covers me and maybe takes the attention away from me. So, honestly, there are great days and there are crap days. My biggest struggle continues to be loneliness and a desire for community and authenticity. I just didn't realize it would be so hard! I have often felt like I go unnoticed, and that sucks. There are days when I'm tempted toward judgement, annoyance, anger… and a host of other emotions. I think the best way to describe this search for friends, community, a place is that it's just exhausting. I'm tired of it. It takes so much energy to show up at another Mom's Group, another playdate, another Vandy event and to just be me and hopefully connect with someone who is real and who also needs a friend. She's out there somewhere! I have met some great women, for sure. But it just takes time.

And I truly feel like there's a big life lesson in this for me. And I think it's a lesson that God has been working on for a while. And that lesson is that really, truly, I am His. He loves me for me. He is enough. I admit it: sometimes I think, should I do this, be this, act this way to just fit in, be the same, be accepted? And it's tempting. (Here's a shocker: I am not a Southern Belle). Sometimes I feel like I stick out or maybe just fade away. But the same truth keeps coming to me: I am His. He loves me for me. I am secure in Christ. My identity is in Christ. I have, I desire to constantly have, an audience of One. I don't need to be anything but who I am. I don't need to question who I am. I just need to remember that I am His. This has been a big battle for me for many years - I have believed for too long that I'm not good at making friends, that I'm not interesting enough, worthy enough, fun enough, pretty enough. Ugh. What ugly lies. And although it's been hard, the lesson is loud and clear: I am worthy. I am loved. I am His.

"But now, this is what the Lord says--He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39