Hope.

Well, well…look who's back.  It's been 8 months since I've posted.  A lot of life has happened in that space. There are a lot of things I could have posted about, but honestly, I just didn't want to.  For a while there, I was just sick of my own thoughts: this is hard. i am lonely. i am lost. i am tired. i am angry. i am stuck.

And that's about how I felt for a while. But, thank God. Because He sustains and His truth reigns: 

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, 

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

Great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him"

Lamentations 3:22-24

After my sweet, sweet weekend trip to Salt Lake City, something started to turn and change and grow…hope! Being in the midst of dear friends was such an encouragement to me. True friends who spoke truth into my life, with their words, actions, perspectives, helped me to realign with what is real: God's love. His never-ending, always available, fight through it all kind of love. I seemed to forget, even though I kept saying it, that He was in the thick of it with me. And once I remember that, I was able to breathe. 

A few months later I realized something - I was happy. It had been weeks since I'd cried, felt defeated, felt sad, sad, sad. A few months later still, and here I am. Is this place in my life, easy, consistent and comfortable? Nope. But I've learned a thing or two… 

God is with me in the hard stuff.
God is always good.
God has taken care of us every step of the way.
Sometimes I miss His blessings in my life.
Sometimes I forget that He knows better than me.
Sometimes I forget that the toughest moments in life are with purpose.

He has never failed me. 

Will I forget this again? Probably. Will it always be true? Absolutely.

And just to add of dose of how He has blessed me:

A silly, sweet Duke who makes me laugh daily.

A thoughtful, fun J who brings such light into my life.

A family that loves me and is here for me.

This.

 And this.

And this.

A husband whom I love, am proud of and want to go through life's tough stuff with.

The blessing of being "mom".

 

And then there are the moments when it all becomes so clear: life is precious. 

Life is hard, but life is precious. My thoughts keep taking me back to hard things, to heart aches, to hard truths that I have been confronted with in just the past month, past week, past day…and prayerfully, we take those hard things and we turn with them to our God. Because without Him, how do we do this? How do we have hope? He is our hope. 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 5:5

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5 

"Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." Psalm 54:4